Mourning
by Flowing In Me
Summary: Lydia couldn't bring herself to accept the loss they all suffered. Allison Argent was gone and it was too late to tell her how she really felt. Her best friend. Her Knight in Silver Armor...


The sky held a brightness that failed to cast its warmth over the coldness below. There they all stood in the honor and wake of a dear friend's passing. Many spoke fond memories before the crowd. Detailing what a wonderful person this girl had been, in spirit and heart she was adored by all. Lydia was deaf to these words and remained still when asked if anybody else wished to say kind words. She couldn't move, her eyes remained locked on the beautifully carved casket. The muffled voices of those dear to her couldn't shake her from this hollowed daze. Going up to speak would only make this nightmare more real, she could only deny. Pray if she resisted this long enough she would somehow wake up. Be able to hold her again, to touch her face and tell her everything she was always too scared to say. How she loved her, how she built herself up to be a better person just to honor that light she brought into her life. That determination to follow her warmth was now gone. Her light, her hope, every warm sense Allison brought to her wounded spirit now lay within this casket beside her. Her heart was sinking into the ground just as Allison did. It left with her and laid in numbness. Quietly screaming for her to stay only to have silence greeting her desperate pleas. How long did she stand there in shock? The crowd was clearing and very few stood anymore. Not even the voices of those beyond this world were enough to draw her attention. A hand on her shoulder just barely broke through and her green eyes lifted to see Scott. The one who had been blessed with the gift of being loved by Allison. How she envied him for this and seeing his face only made her wish she had kissed her lips while she had the chance; even if just once. Scott slowly pulled the Banshee close and she melted into his shelter. Hearing his voice calmly draw her out; "You loved her." Of course he knew, she wasn't surprised. She couldn't be, it was Scott. Lydia couldn't hate him even if she wanted to, he was too good a person. She understood why Allison loved him, he was good. A selfless and virtuous person. Lydia wasn't, and for that she felt unworthy of somebody like Allison. "She was my best friend..." Lydia tried to deny yet again, pray this would all be some sick ruse. Some twisted illusion or last ditch effort of the Nogitsune to torment them. Scott's arms tightening around her drew a tear finally as it began to settle in. Just as the tears fell that realization coldly crept in; she was gone.

After the cold state she was in until the funeral, that restraint left her. It all came crashing down. This was a wound no amount of make up could cover. No amount of sassy quips or small smirks could make this weight disappear. Being in a world without Allison Argent was like endlessly walking through a state of limbo. Lost. Faces were familiar but held no meaning. Colors were vibrant but it only felt dark and dull. These shades of warmth only reminded her of Allison. The smiles and laughter of oblivious teens in the hallways made her feel more alone than ever as they triggered hers. Allison. Her laughter. How casually she'd throw her head back and flash her crooked smile. Why did somebody so good waste her time with someone so flawed? Lydia didn't deserve her. In any means. Her kindness. Her friendship. Knowing her got Allison killed. Why did she have to care so much about everybody else and so little about herself? It didn't make sense! The quiet mumbles of the loud halls couldn't shake that regret. All she could do was keep it together until she made it home; to Allison's.

There was a knock on the main door to the Argent home, where Chris found Lydia standing with reddened eyes. Puffy with tears, weakly asking; "May I see her room?" Chris quietly touched her head and pet her cheek sincerely, "Of course." Leading Lydia into Allison's room, his hand held her shoulder; feeling her tremble as she took in everything that was her. The wallpaper. The bed. The random weapons placed around the room. Even her scent still lingered. Lydia thought she could visit and maybe it'd bring some sense of closure, but all too late did she realize it only made things worse. She came back in full force to that moment, staring at the casket as it disappeared into the ground. "I'm sorry, I can't-" Shaking her head and uttering her cries she pushed past Chris, leaving as quickly as her legs would allow. "Lydia!" Ignoring his calls of concern, she disappeared out the door.

Days dragged on. School. Grades were still perfect because school was the only thing able to break her out of her rut. Giving her something else to focus on after she forced herself into it. To the teachers and her peers, she seemed perfectly fine. But those wary looks and questions from Scott didn't help. "I'm fine." He never believed her, she could see it in his eyes. It was a lie after all, one she simply needed to say. Over and over. The lies were all she had between herself and hysteria.

They all seemed to move on so quickly. A month had already passed but Lydia never felt any better. Scott surprised her one day at her door, "What are-?"

"Can we talk?" He asked insistently.

"Sure...?" Lydia didn't know what could be so important he had to come in person, but humoring him seemed best.

The redhead banshee lead Scott to her living room, motioning him to sit down and she mirrored it by sitting in her own seat. She could see hesitation in his eyes, trying to wrestle with his thoughts. "Well?" A little impatient, maybe. But she was very on edge nowadays. Moody. Irritable. When she was home, that changed to depression, tears, cries in the late night. Cursing these powers for failing to save her.

"You haven't visited her..." Scott finally spoke, his eyes swimming with sympathy and concern. Lydia felt her chest tighten and her eyes narrow. "Of course I have!" She tried to deflect, her heart aching at this obvious lie. It had been over a month and she still couldn't bring herself to visit Allison's grave. "Lydia..."

"What! Why is this your concern? You were only my friend because of Allison anyway. You don't need to be here now!" She had shot up, standing and letting this flurry of emotions get the better of her. So much pain and anger, even envy. Scott blinked, his expression falling to one of sorrow. "I care about you too, okay? Believe it or not. And Allison would have killed me if I didn't check in on you..."

"Well she's not here anymore, so I'm no longer an obligation." She paused, seeing Scott close his eyes in remorse. God, she hates herself right now. She's lashing out at one of the best people she's ever met. All to deny setting foot near that place again. She can't. She won't.

"Lydia, I'm sorry...I just want you to be okay." he stood slowly and Lydia only backed away, desperately trying to reassure herself; "I am okay..." Her voice cracked and her eyes were wet. Beautiful features slowly melting, unable to continue this lie. "I'll be-I'll be fine." Choking down a sob, she finally whispered, "Please go. I can't- just..just leave." Scott's own eyes watered at seeing her broken state, solemnly nodding. "Okay, but you need to see her eventually." Lydia watched as he left the room and soon her home. In solitude she was left again to her memories. The beautiful memories that once brought her so much joy, so much warmth, now only bring a blistering cold and a feeling of emptiness. She was gone and she had to face that...

Once again the sun was bright as she entered this field of ends. Lydia came alone, unable to take the thought of somebody seeing her finally facing Allison's grave. She didn't know how she'd react. What she would do or say. It didn't take long for her to find Allison, the whispers in her head guiding her to the place her spirit cried for. She stared down at the marble stone, standing proudly. How it stood and glimmered in the sunlight was almost reminiscent of how Allison herself stood. Like the headstone knew, this is where rests a proud warrior, a beloved daughter and longed for light. Lydia slowly fell to her knees, quiet and mind racing with images of her. She could still remember her smile, her laughter, that warmth she brought her by simply being near. She wanted to say she forgives her. She wanted to say she'll be okay. She wanted to lie and tell her to rest easy. The words quietly passing her lips betrayed this; "You said you would always protect me..." Her lip quivering while tears quickly formed. "Why. Why did you lie? You gave me hope and now? Where are you." Lydia's head fell and she clutched the grass beneath her, her tone raising. "I didn't deserve you! I was broken and you were perfect! Why did you do that? Why did you have to care?" She knew her answers regardless, it wasn't Allison's nature to hate. To spite. To turn somebody in need away. And god, did Lydia need her. "You promised. You-you promised!" She shouted and smacked the headstone, tears falling helplessly; "I was supposed to save you for once! It was my turn to rescue you!" Her eyes closed and she breathed slowly, uneven and shuddering sniffles. "I screwed up...he was right, I ruin everything." Mustering up what strength she had left, she uttered a final breath, "I love you..." 


End file.
